So "N" and I had a conversation about having a boy as a friend and a boyfriend... He looked at me and very seriously said, "I'm a boy so let me help you."
Then he told me there are rules for girls. I ran and got my notebook so I could write them down.
Rules for Girls
- Don't act crazy or boys will think you're freaky.
- No saying (he starts talking in his high girl-like voice), "I like.. and I like this.. I like..."
- When boys say "stop" they mean stop. (Ok- I think it's because he gets chased.)
- Don't make boys upset or they may leave or do something crazy like that.
- Boys like to listen to Rock & Roll music, and be in gangs (he means friends) and have lots of fun, & ride motorcycles, & talk, & make jokes, and play guitar.
- Boys like things that are off motorcycles and talk about other girls when they spot them. (hmmmm...)
- Boys like a lot of fun stuff.
The more I thought about his rules the more I thought I should take a cue from this wise little man and give boys a few rules of their own from my universe and simple works here too...
- Don't act like you don't like the girls or the girls will find other boys who do.
- No saying (in my mimicking-a-guy voice) "My ex did this or my ex said that... ".
- When girls say "Don't stop"... they meeeeean "Don't stop!". ;)
- Don't make girls upset because they may leave and find other boys who won't. (Am I onto a theme?)
- Don't spend ALL your free time with the boys listening to rock & roll music, being in gangs, having lots of fun riding motorcycles, talking, making jokes and playing guitar because girls will find other boys who don't. (Yes, yes... I see a definite trend here.)
- Girls like things that are on motorcycles, especially boys, and will talk about boys on motorcycles when they spot them.
- Girls like a lot of fun stuff. Like boys. And motorcycles.
- Girls, the good ones, would rather have the $15 handmade copper bubble wand you saw at the crafter's fair 6 months ago because you remember how much she loved it than she would the shiny jewelry store ring (you had them wrap) and cookie-cutter Walmart card you picked up on the way to your anniversary dinner... the thought really does count.
- Girls need to cry... let them... you don't have to say a word or fix anything, just put your arms around them and let them spend themselves in your circle of security.
- When you ask what's wrong, girls will tell you... asking, then mentally tuning to the Dodgers game will take you places you don't want to go... acknowledge and offer your thoughts... we don't care whether you agree, we just want to know you're engaged.
- Diamonds don't start cut and polished, keep an eye on the "plain" girls.
- Girls like the smell of a hard day's work on you but will drop you like a hot rock if you use that for an excuse for poor hygeine... haircuts, manicured hands and feet, body wash and a little man-scaping go a long way.
- Girls like guys who can dress appropriately... paint spattered cargo shorts and holey tee are fine for a bike ride but not for dinner out where there's silverware and linens. Have a dress coat and slacks in the closet. And dress shoes. With socks. That aren't white.
- Girls want to know what's bothering you and help work it out. It's against the essence of your handle-my-own-shit manhood, but throw them a bone once in a while. If you can't, explain that and ask for understanding. Girls understand. We're good at it. That's why we want to know what's bothering you. And we want to know it's not us. Or that it is.
- Girls want to know you love and want to protect them. Give them a hand down the steps, send them an unexpected text, pull them close in a crowd, draw some x's and o's on the fogged bathroom mirror... we just need to know you think of us in ways unrelated to obligation.
- Girls, the good ones, don't care how much you make. If you are self-sufficient and take care of your own, you're golden. It's because we can respect you.
- Girls, the good ones, don't mind doing guy-stuff. Just don't ignore us while you're doing it. Show us, teach us, talk to us about it... we're interested in lots of stuff and want to be engaged in something you're interested in.
- Girls want you to share their interests... you don't have to learn to quilt or bake puff pastries, but help pick the bathroom paint, read the book we're reading, go to the gym with us... we just want to know you're engaged in something we're interested in.
- Girls need "alone time", too.
- Girls want you to like their family and friends. If you don't... pretend. You can be civil once a month. We do it for your pervy uncle Ted and your college room mate.
- Girls, the good ones, have corresponding faces for corresponding emotions... happy, smile... sad, frown... watch the ones who don't, you won't be able to respect them.
- Girls want the truth. No matter how much it hurts. Because when you man-up, we can respect you. And if we catch you in the lie, we will be soooo much more pissed.
- Girls, the good ones, will eat a burger and drink a beer with you, watch Dodgeball and turn up the guitar rock. We don't all hold out for caviar and Dom, theater or a quartet... but the good ones are game for those too.
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